Marriage Killer:Unrealistic Expectations

Many people go into a marriage thinking it going to be a fairy tale. Most of the time we see marriage as this amazing commitment that will last forever and that Love never dies. We automatically think our spouse will love us forever and time will overcome any problem that we face. We expect our spouses sex drive to be the same, nothing can come in-between the love we have for each other, and we will automatically live happily ever after. These are false expectations and often can end marriage causing it to end in divorce. Unrealistic expectations are what I want to discuss and share. Here is a list of some of the most common Unrealistic Expectations of Marriage:

  1. All my needs will be met by my partner for companionship.
  2. If I have to ask for something than its not genuine or meaningful.
  3. In time all our problems will be resolved.
  4. We should live happily ever after without having any problems.
  5. Keeping secrets from my past are acceptable especially if it will cause my partner pain.
  6. If we don’t have enough romance we must not have enough love for one another.
  7. Our relationship will always remain the same.
  8. My partner will be equally as sexual as I am.
  9. Having a child will fix our problems and save our relationship.
  10. The things we do will be the same as our family’s.
  11. Nothing could cause us to question or love for each other.
  12. I know everything about my partner.
  13. Love is all you need for a successful marriage.
  14. Silence is better to be kept about something that is causing me pain.

More often than not we go into a marriage with a lot of these unrealistic expectations. For myself I did as well believing Love would never die and no matter what the problem may be we will work through it. I personally don’t believe in divorce but in my divorce I had no say so and did everything I could to work through and prevent it. In order for a successful marriage two people have to be on the same page and be willing to work together. When we believe in these unrealistic expectations more often than not the marriage will fail. If two people don’t put hard work and effort into a marriage it ends up being one sided and will more than likely end in divorce. Some of these things I believed before my marriage to find out they were not true. If we are able to go into a marriage knowing it takes hard work, trust, friendship, and understanding from both sides I believe the marriage has a better chance of survival.

Some of this is what I learned personally and some of this I learned about in our regulating relationships group sessions. Here are a few personal tips I believe that will help  make a successful marriage:

  1. Communication
  2. Friendship
  3. Trust
  4. Forgiveness
  5. Respect as well as Boundaries. We all need and have our own personal space.
  6. Understanding of each other both personally and for what your spouse may be going through
  7. Patience
  8. Compliment each other at least once a day.
  9. Compassion
  10. Reason/Bargaining-No one is right all the time and we must be willing to meet in the middle at times.
  11. Unconditional Love. We must be willing to accept each other no matter what our mistakes and faults may be. No one is perfect all the time although we like to believe we are. Everyone makes mistakes but at the same time everyone deserves forgiveness.

Always remember a successful marriage takes a lot of hard work and effort by both partners. Like most of life a marriage needs to have balance and if it is to one sided it has a better chance of failing. When problems arise its important to work through them and not let them go to long, this will only cause greater problems.

Thanks for reading,

Much Love,

Jason aka scoops777

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