Filters are described as the patters we form of how we think about other people, ourselves and the world around us. Many times we use these filters as a defense or coping mechanism due to certain events in our life. Most of the time we let these filters control us causing ourselves harm which leads to unrealistic or paranoid thinking. I am going to talk about and share the 10 different filters that many may use.
Emotional Filters and Self Belief
Common Negative Filters:
1. Emotional deprivation : The belief that you are not lovable and may not ever get the love you need. Important needs like affection, care, protection, support etc will never be met. This filter may have started when someone very important to you could not provide what you needed.
2. Abandonment : Please don’t leave me. The belief that no matter how close you get to someone they will leave you. To avoid pain people with this filter isolate, avoid close relationships, or purposely sabotage a relationship they may be in. This filter is caused by a loss of a close loved one, relationship, or failed marriage.
3. Mistrust : You believe that others cannot be trusted and chances are you had trouble with any close or serious relationship. The belief others will hurt, cheat, lie, put you down or manipulate you. This filter often follows abuse and the loss of trust from a loved one.
4. Defectiveness/ Social Undesirability : The negative belief that you are different from other people because you are flawed, inferior , bad, or socially unacceptable by the peers around you. Chances are you think people around you will find out and not accept you. This filter is caused by rejection from peers or a significant other.
5. Unrelated Standards : Nothing I do is good enough. The belief you will never be good enough. Excessive perfectionism and high standards are used to avoid negative feedback and doubts from others. People with this filter are often very self critical and can become dependent on other individuals for self validation.
6. Failure to Achieve : The belief that you will never achieve your goals or be as good as tour friend, family, co workers etc. Believing you are not good at sports, education and even your job. People with this filter often see themselves as useless and not good enough. Often people with this filter have extreme self doubt.
7. Vulnerability to Harm and Illness : People with this filter often have catastrophic things and the belief that something bad will happen. Things can be going well but the thought that something Catastrophic will always happen. People with this filter often avoid pleasant activities as a defense mechanism. This filter is often caused by a significant loss or illness of a loved one.
8. Subjugation : ” I will always do it the way you want it done.” The self defeating belief you must do it their way to avoid negative consequences. Your control over your behavior, emotions, and expressions are handed over to the other person. People with this filter often think they will face anger or rejection of they don’t submit to others. Most often anger is held in and suppressed with this filter. This filter is often caused by codependent individuals.
9. Self Sacrifice : The belief other people are more important than you and you always put everyone first. People with this filter often put others needs and wants first. A lot of times they put others first due to guilt or feeling selfish. This filter may be related to excessive demands being put on you most often when you were a child.
10. Entitlement : No matter what it is I should have it. Belief you should always get what you want regardless of circumstances or if it hurts another. People often with this filter reflect on others and can often be controlling. This filter is often caused by negative life experiences.
Myself Identifying my filters and defense mechanisms has helped me think more realistically and am able to better my thought process. It is very painful at first to accept it but once we accept it we are better able to manage our emotions. I took a quiz that Identified my filters and find it to be highly accurate and can trace things back to my childhood. The main filters that have been controlling me are:
1. Vulnerability to self harm and Illness
3. Emotional Depravation
My top two were tied and the next three tied for second and have helped me pinpoint some things in my life that I am now better able to control.
I would love to hear what you think yours may be.
Jason Aka Scoops